Dear little monster that lives in the apartment downstairs,
Little monster, our battle started in the spring when the warm weather came and you and your pimply, three hairs on his chin, boyfriend began your youthful fornifications in the bushes of our yard. I spoke directly to you again and again. I never went to your parents for fear they would kill you. I finally lost my temper with you when your friend decided that hiding in my unlocked car was fun.
I am thanking you, today, for the early morning wake up as my car alarm went off. Why would my car go off, you ask? Because your frolicking on the hood of my car was a little to rambunctious for the alarm to tolerate. When I came out on my porch at 1am and found the two of you hastily rearranging your clothing while still leaning on my bumper, I still managed not to call the cops or scream for your parental units. The next time I will.
I hope for your sake that you have invested in some protective measures, as I am unsure of your ability to care for yourself much less a helpless child.
The exhausted woman from the second floor!